Tori likes to remind me that I’m “a real free spirit.” One who hates being tied down, one who enjoys frequently switching jobs and uprooting her life. And, she’s right, but more in the sense that I’m not searching for change… I’m chasing after happiness. I feel like I’m never completely content, and I KNOW you’re supposed find the joy in what you have. BUT I CAN’T. I always want something more.
My cousins are hilariously amazing. Not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate being so close to them, getting the chance to be a part of their family. But? The rest of the people I love are in Kansas. I left to get away from them… but was that the best idea? What about the saying, “you can run away, but you can’t ever run away from your problems”? I’ve loved the distance from the drama, the distance from the people in general. Now, though, I’m having a hard time figuring out if I want to stay in Tulsa or move back to Kansas.
There are some pressing issues in my life that would pretty much need me to move back. I honestly think that’s the best course of action for my current situation. I’d love to elaborate, but others deserve to know before the rest of the Internet. The deal is, I’d come back here, finish my vet tech degree by Fall 2011/Spring 2012, and when my parents move… maybe I will, too. At that point, both Will and Amy will be off to college somewhere. I don’t know where I’d go yet (obviously.) Or even if I will.
The only, ONLY thing that is REALLY holding me back from moving to Kansas again is leaving my cousins. This is going to crush all of them, not to mention me!! I wish, so badly, that they would move up a state, instead of just moving to a new house in Tulsa. I love being close to them. I love being Amy and Erin’s sounding board, their rock, their big sister. I love how Logan knows me, can say my name. I love playing football with Jason and mercilessly teasing him about his girlfriends. I love fighting over the TV remote with Kelsi and eating late-night bagels with Sarah.
And now, writing that paragraph… now… now, I’m even less certain than I was earlier.
