I know, that as an eighth-grader, you feel like a rockstar each time the eighteen-year-old college freshman texts you. I know the stories he’s told you to suck you in, how his mom is so sick and how he’s carrying the burden of the world on his shoulders. I know he talks to you about music and makes you feel like he understands you. I know you want Hillary and I to back the hell off and let you do your own thing.

But E? We love you, and we care about you. He started reeling you in when you were just thirteen, barely a teenager. We know him- I know him. He lives in my town, this small little community where there are no secrets. I know his past, his conquests, his friends, his enemies. And I can tell you right now, he’s up to no good. When my older skater sisters warned me about Jesse, to be careful, I didn’t listen. I told them to fuck off, they didn’t know what they were talking about, to just leave me alone. I stand by my decision only because I believe you have to make mistakes in order to learn. The difference between you and me, though, is that I was seventeen, out of high school. You’re still our baby, the one for whom we’d kill.

This boy, he thinks you’re cute. He tiptoed around when he was with Hillary to avoid anyone noticing that he was talking to someone as young as you. There are rumors that he has ‘pictures’ of you, and I swear on my mother’s grave, if that’s true, there won’t be anything holding me back. In case you didn’t know, those kinds of pictures are illegal in our state for anyone, for any reason, under the age of eighteen. He’s prepping you for more. I know you have a good head on your shoulders… but what about when someone you think is a friend, really cares about you, tries something? Will you say no? Do you have it in you? I never want you to have to make that choice, be in that situation, at this age.

I’m not mad at you; WE aren’t mad at you. I am furious with him, but I’m not angry with you, I promise. Yeah, I ‘had’ him first, but only for a nanosecond. Hillary’s slightly more upset, simply because she feels betrayed, but she still loves you too. Listen to me, hon- I’m going to sort this out. I will not allow him to continue talking to you, no matter how angry this makes you. If he doesn’t follow our rules, there will be consequences for him. This town doesn’t settle for assholes or pedophiles. And I will fix things between you and Hillary.

I love you, dollface. I hope this isn’t the reason we haven’t talked in a few months, because you were afraid of me. There are some things I get upset about, but in this case, I’m not upset with you in the slightest.

<3

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

I can hardly believe you turn fifteen years old today.

I have fleeting memories of your birth. I was six weeks shy of turning four years old. Mom and Dad left me at Nana & Pop-Pop’s off Lawrence Avenue with Aunt RoRo, who french-braided my hair before taking me to the hospital to see you. I got to sit on the bed next to Mom and hold you. I was so excited to be your big sister.

For years, you were my constant companion and partner-in-crime.
When we lived in England in 1996, I got angry with Mom and decided to run away. Obviously I couldn’t leave you with The Enemy, so I took you with me. We ran away to our backyard. Mom laughed and took pictures.
You made fun of the annoying kids in daycare with me and had my back when I fought (both verbally and physically) with them.
We ‘spied’ on Mom and Dad when we lived in Topeka by sneaking out to the living room, where we watched Mom read and Dad type on his laptop. Sometimes I miss that, the thrill of getting yelled at and then trying to smother our giggles when we got back into our room.
Neither of us wanted to move to Virginia. After two years, you were okay with staying there, but you didn’t put up a fight when I lobbied for coming back to Kansas.

I taught you manners and how to chew with your mouth closed. I taught you how to ride a bike. I taught you how to deal with switching schools. I taught you to argue for what you believe in, and how to keep fighting, no matter what.

You start high school, tenth grade, in two weeks. Guess who gets to teach you how to drive!

I have many pseudo-brothers and pseudo-sisters who I’m sincerely concerned for as they enter high school, but I’m not worried about you. You have a good head on your shoulders, and I know you aren’t going to be one of the trashy high school students walking around town. Yeah, you’ll make mistakes. You’re smart, though, and you’re going to be fine.

I love you, baby bro.

-Your Sister

Lawrence KS, Halloween 1995

Cambridge England, 1996… running away

Cambridge England, 1996

Cambridge England, December 1996

Maine??, 1998

Disney World… the first year they started doing Leave a Legacys, 1999

France, summer 2004

Williamsburg VA, 2005

Lawrence KS, Christmas 2005, with Jack the Dog

Sugarloaf ME, February 2006

Disney World, Spring Break 2006, with Brigid

Princeton NJ, October 2006, with Mom

Faribault MN, January 2007

Emerald Isle NC, Spring Break 2007

San Francisco CA, October 2007

Dulles Airport-Washington DC, April 2008

Lawrence KS, Thanksgiving 2008

Lawrence KS, May 2009, with cousin Logan

Old Orchard Beach ME, June 2009, with cousin Jason

and the family portrait…

(Princeton NJ, October 2006)

I don’t know if you just randomly attacked my blog or if I know you and happened to piss you off. I’ve pissed off a lot of people, but 1) I don’t think I know anyone smart enough to hack my blog and 2) I don’t think I’ve made anyone mad enough to actually do something like this.

I’m angry. Very angry. I lost everything I’ve written from January 2009 up till now because of you. Thankfully I don’t completely rely on a blog to keep my memories… nothing like a handwritten journal! It’s my fault for not backing up my blog better, and I know it. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. However, it’s your fault for being such a douche. Hacking? Really? Don’t you think you could be doing something better with your time and effort, like raising money for charity or helping the environment?

I feel bad for you. I could curse at you, kick you, I could track you down easily and have you arrested. DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS IN THIS WORLD OF TECHNOLOGY?! But I won’t. Because guess what? I don’t care enough to do so. You’re going to die all alone anyway.

Sincerely,
The Girl You Stupidly Chose To Hack