I want to say that I’m grateful I can be pregnant. I know so many people try and try and never can… like my aunt and uncle, who, at the ripe old age of 50, became first-time parents through a surrogate after trying for 30 years. Even though my daughter will be coming into the world a little earlier in my own life than I would have chosen, I still already love her and am happy I’ll be a first-time mother at 20, not 50.

But. Pregnancy and I do not agree. She literally sucks everything from me and turns my body into a complete disaster. No one ever tells you exactly what you go through to grow a baby, and you never know until you A) are pregnant, B) have a pregnant wife or C) research it. Doctors say pregnancy is the roughest thing a woman will go through; women still die in childbirth! which, as you can imagine, makes me SO relieved since I’m already high-risk. This is NOT a whole glowing, happy time, even if you are in a stable place! I can’t control my emotions, I have such embarrassing symptoms, I’m BIG, and my child really enjoys rolling around and kicking me in the bladder at the most inconvenient times. Not to mention, sleep. You know how people say, “get your sleep now, while you can!” That’s bullshit. I barely get six hours a night now, because I have to pee every 2-3 hours, and then I can’t fall back asleep past 5am. I’ve played a lot of Solitaire while waiting for the time when I should be getting out of bed.

My life has already changed to where it’s not about me anymore. I can’t do fun things I did before I got pregnant, like skate and tan by the lake in 100 degree weather. Relationships are harder to maintain, and that’s just going to get even worse after she comes, since I’ll have no time. My money goes all to her and things she needs.

I want her to stay inside me till she’s healthy and has a legit, good chance at life, but OMGIHATEBEINGPREGNANT. ONLY sixteen more weeks to go?! I can’t believe my aunt has six kids, or that women purposely get pregnant right after the birth of their baby. At this rate, I’m content with this one. (and I wasn’t even sold on having kids in the first place… although I am finally excited about my daughter.)

By the way… I’m having the hardest time coming up with a name. I’ve scoured three iPhone apps and dozens of name websites!! It took me a good two months to just find my DOG’S name. At this rate, I’ll be having Baby Girl Evans. Sigh.

The two girls I watch now… I do NOT get paid enough to do this. They’re eleven and twelve, so you’d think I wouldn’t have much to do. HA!! I have more behavioral problems to correct, more yelling to do, more high freaking blood pressure than when I take care of the four and ten year olds. First? I have to repeat myself three hundred times just to get them to listen. THEY ARE ELEVEN AND TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRLS. WTF? And that’s when they take their meds! Second? I have never seen any siblings fight like they do. It is absolutely ridiculous. I think, perhaps because they’re so close in age, neither of them knows when to stop. I don’t really give a damn what the reason is… they need to learn to shut the hell up, because nothing that comes out of either of their mouths can be classified as civil. Third? Apparently, no one has taught them how to behave in public. You know, arguing and running around in their own home is irritating enough, but through STORES? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And they legitimately don’t understand why I won’t take them anywhere, even after I attempt to explain. Fourth? They very rarely listen to anything I say. I’m not the real docile, walk-all-over type of nanny. Both of them know it, neither of them care. Fifth? THEIR MOTHER. I like her as a person, I really do, but she is one of those parents who uses empty threats. She never follows through! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT MAKES MY LIFE?! Not to mention the lives of their poor teachers, friends’ parents, extended relatives, etc! They know that with me, they get one warning, and after that, whatever privilege I threatened them with is gone. End of story. Not so with their mom, and I don’t know if it’s because she honestly forgets (which is still a really bad excuse), or if it’s because she feels guilty for being the only parent and not having a father for them (which is an even worse excuse.) Sixth? Seriously, I do not get paid enough for this job. Little kids’ parents typically pay more for nannies, but in this case, I should be getting a higher salary for having to practically parent her children, because she won’t. Mari asked me a few days ago, that if I’m going into Psychology, why I’m not better at controlling them. (Took a hell of a lot of restraint not to punch her.) I told her I don’t get paid nearly enough to ‘train’ them, not to mention that THAT’S NOT WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS DO. ARLJFADLFJLSAJF!!!!!!

Then the four and ten year olds… honestly, they are typical boys, but they are relatively respectful, know how/when to behave, and heed their warnings 100% of the time. Unfortunately, it’s their parents I can’t stand. Having had three of the same babysitters for the past eight years I believe has made them forget how hard it is to find good ones, and how important it is to treat them right. I DON’T want to be told you’ll be back at eleven, only to have you show up at one. Not only does that show me extreme disrespect, but I HAVE A LIFE TOO! I have plans, I have a schedule, I have school, I have work. I’d be perfectly fine if this was a one-time thing, but 90% of your nights out partying end this way… with me having the police non-emergency number handy in case you’re dead in a ditch or something. I have enough damn stress in my life, thank you very much, than to have to worry about YOU, adults in your, what, 40s??

My mom knew the value of a good nanny, which she showed by paying very well, getting home on time, giving presents for Christmas/thanks for a great year. Being on the side of job hunting, finding these kinds of parents is like finding a needle in a haystack… next to impossible. I don’t have to be paid a fortune, but you’re leaving me with your CHILDREN. They are always alive and happy when you get home, so show me a little damn respect and gratitude.

Good old Lawrence has a $5.5 million shortfall. Our district has 1 early education center (PK), 15 elementary schools (K-6), 4 junior high schools (7-9), 2 high schools (10-12), a virtual school (K-8), and an adult education center. A few years back, they closed a few elementary schools and our alternative high school (both horrendous ideas for multiple reasons.) There are currently around 10,000 students. Our city is a community; this is not a place where you can live anonymously.

The school board seems to have only one solution. They SAY they’re trying to find alternatives, but actions speak louder than words. What do they want to do? Close more elementary schools. Close MORE. The last elementary school I attended was the newest, still is the newest, and when I graduated, we had less than 200 kids. They have over 500 now!! We need another school out here, NOT close some and have more kids shoved into this school! And it’s like that all across town- all the schools are at capacity. Some are much smaller than others, but they are at capacity. Closing elementary schools is going to increase class sizes to over 30 kids. I don’t know who came up with this genius idea, but that automatically means lower test scores, less attention, more teacher anxiety. (Oh, not to mention our teachers are the lowest paid in the ENTIRE STATE.) (The school board also has been talking about moving the 9th graders to high school. Whole other story. The high schools are maxed out too… THERE IS NO ROOM FOR 9TH GRADERS.)

Mmm… and should I mention we spent god knows how many millions on two new stadiums for the high schools last year? THAT WE DIDN’T NEED? And how the administration building is the nicest building in the entire district? And how there’s plenty of room for the administration to share an old elementary school building with the virtual school? And how we pay our admin more than our teachers? And how we HAVE more admin than we need?

I honestly don’t know how the fuck this school board was elected. I have yet to meet anyone in this entire city who thinks closing schools is a good idea. I don’t know if there’s a hidden agenda, I don’t know if the city officials are in on this, but education is supposed to come FIRST. Yet, why is it the first cut? (And not just in Kansas, everywhere!) Politicians say we need to improve education, help our children, but no one is doing anything besides take money away.

We live in a very sad, pathetic country.

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I password-protected a post I wrote about two weeks ago. There are no juicy secrets in it, sorry, I just don’t want that information about me available to the general public. Future protected posts will more than likely be coming, and the password will be the same for all. If you want the password, comment on this post or send me an email.

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The House passed the healthcare reform bill tonight. Remember when I wrote this, about my friend who freaks the fuck out at anyone who could be remotely liberal? Yeah, guess who wrote a Facebook status almost immediately, sparking debate (not bad) and namecalling (bad.) WHICH PISSES ME OFF ALL OVER AGAIN. Shit, I don’t care if you hate the bill. Honestly, I’m not quite fond of it myself. But to write “FOR ALL YOU IGNORANT LIBERALS….I’M SURE THIS IS ALL GEORGE BUSH’S FAULT.”? Really? Do you really need the “for all you ignorant liberals” part? As I recall, there were plenty of conservatives blaming Bush 24/7. So shut the fuck up. *P.S. Just for you, one-who-wrote-Facebook-status, I’m not-so-secretly glad that someone poked a hole in your credibility and commended a liberal for taking the high road. HA!*

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To the surprise of no one, I’m pretty sure I’m failing approximately half my classes.

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My mom hit a deer last week, driving my dad’s car. We took it to the dealer, along with my car (scheduled maintenance), to make sure nothing was technically wrong with it and to order new parts. The service technician propped the hood open to check the engine, stuck his hand in there, and pulled out… OUR HOUSE PHONE. From the engine. All my mom said was, “THAT’S where that went!”

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I bought a new LCD HDTV. It is gorgeous and the most grown-up thing I have ever bought myself. I’ll be living off Ramen and water for the next thirty years, but who cares? I HAVE A FUCKING SWEET TV! Also on the home-y note, I’m painting my rooms dark blue and dark green, a definite upgrade from the current dingy, contractor-painted colors.

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Get ready for tomorrow… where I detail everything that I’ve been feeling toward MFH for the past, oh, ever! (Oh, and in case anyone noticed, I didn’t do a first of the month post for November. Because absolutely nothing is happening in November.)

Yesterday morning, I got my ass up and went to class. Began wanting to rip my throat out around noon.

This morning, I shoved all my awful feelings aside and went to two of my three classes, thanks to not wanting to fail a major requirement and having an unmakeupable test.

SOMEONE GAVE ME STREP THROAT. AGAIN.

People that are utterly disrespectful when it comes to political views. (Or, really, anyone disrespectful at all, but I’m talking political right now.)

I have a friend who is extremely conservative. There isn’t one issue he’s even remotely moderate about, let alone anywhere near liberal. You have to tiptoe around anything political around him unless you want an earful of his opinions.

Now, I’m all for debate, but I’m also all for acknowledging the other side and realizing that your way isn’t necessarily the only way.

This friend of mine commented on Len’s friend’s Facebook status, which said something to the effect of “So-and-so is very close to calling himself a Democrat.” Said friend of mine had a conversation with Len’s friend, then followed up with “All I heard from that was ‘sorry I am totally wrong…wow Democrats sure are stupid.’ Lol” Len then got involved, said straight out “No need to be disrespectful”, to which said friend responded “Respect is definitely something you can’t learn from a typical liberal, ha nice try though.”

HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT.

Said friend refuses to even hear out the other side. I consider my political alignment moderate, holding opinions that fall both on the liberal side and on the conservative side. If I even briefly mention a left-wing point of view, he goes BALLISTIC and WILL NOT drop the issue till I either hang up the phone or walk away. As you can see, he also flat-out name calls people (anyone!) stupid, brainless, unintelligent for having liberal opinions.

And he wonders why I refuse to date him. I can’t ever be with someone who not only is so completely disrespectful, but also someone who absolutely refuses to accept that HE could be the wrong one.

And the number one thing not to do if you want a girl::

Tell your friends you’re sleeping with us when you aren’t and never have! We will find out. And you will be crossed off our list for forever.

Like, for instance, how much I HATE stupid drivers. I spend a ridiculous amount of my life driving. (Really, if you think about it, it’s amazing I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket and one parking ticket so far…) Anyway, I do NOT want to deal with idiots every single damn minute of my life. I’m trying to go the speed limit now, right, or at least not more than five over it, and there are these ASSHOLES who insist on coming up behind me, way less than a fucking FOOT from my car. And I’m all, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS, I CAN’T FUCKING AFFORD ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET SO GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. Only of course they can’t hear me, and that fact just pisses me off even more.

Moving right along…

Remember when I wrote this about MFH? You know… when I swore I’d stop calling him MFH. To be fair, I HAVE stopped calling him MFH, but now that I’m writing about him on my blog again and I can’t use his real name, what am I to call him? I guess keep in mind that I really no longer think of him as MFH.
BUT. You know how in that post I wrote how I was done with him? HAHA. I’m not. Because he has to swoop in, be all “heh heh heeeeeyyy Katie whatchu up to?” and frankly, I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I now know, though, that I can have him if I want him. I thought about it, and this kind of saddens me, because I really liked the chase. At least I get the chance to follow through… maybe.

That’s basically all I have to say. For now.