I lied. There’s more to why I haven’t been blogging than not having anything to say. I DO have things to say, but I think the problem is that I’m not sure I can coherently express what I’m feeling.
The truth is, I’m struggling.
There is a huge part of me that is restless. One that wants to leave and go explore the rest of the country, just up and drive away. A part that isn’t content with going to school day after day, doing the same thing over and over. I can’t figure out if this is an effect of changing something in my life every two years or less (i.e., moving, switching schools, etc…and we’re coming up on two years now) or if it’s something different altogether. And maybe it’s not just the mundane part of life, that doesn’t really explain it- more like, that certain “something mundane” needs to change.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been exhausted. I go to bed by ten at the latest, and on the weekends or days I skip class I’ll sleep till noon. Apparently fatigue in young women is usually explained by either stress or depression, and I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS. I don’t think I’m depressed, I’m not suicidal or anything, is that a requirement for depression? But I also don’t think I’m all that stressed, either. More like confused and unmotivated.
I don’t want to DO anything. Well, that’s not true either. I don’t mind nannying; in fact, that’s probably the highlight of my day- I get paid to hang out with kids! I just don’t want to go to school. I don’t feel like making plans with anyone, except for occasionally with a select few. I don’t really want to skate. I’m just TIRED. Of everything.
To top that all off, I miss my family in Tulsa. All. The. Freaking. Time.
And that’s what has been going through my head lately. Aren’t you glad you wondered?
P.S. Now that I reread that, maybe I am depressed.
Nope, not required to want to kill yourself to be depressed.
And I know exactly how you feel. I’m sick of school right now.
Suicidal thoughts are not required for depression. But honestly, from this post, it kind of seems like you are a bit depressed.
Is there anyone you can talk to?
Yes, that sounds like depression. I hope you snap out of it before it gets worse. Adrenaline helps they say, so they say to start exercising rigorously… uh… hello? I’m depressed and suffer from complete lack of motivation and you’re telling me to start exercising is what I say since I don’t exercise even when I am motivated… But I had to let you know, you know. (((HUGS)))
Thanks guys… I am going to see someone soon.